Is Whip Cracker Extraordinaire a Marketable Skill?

This morning was pretty typical in my household. I stumble downstairs while Muppet gets in the shower, I make the kids lunch, put the kettle on, make sure they are eating breakfast and not glued to the computer or tv. They always get hot chocolate around 8am and then its the daily battle over which cartoon will be on at 8am. Mini Me doesn’t watch much tv, but Pokemon is on at 8am and he gets to put that on while Monkey inevitably whines and complains, then forgets about his supposed hatred of the show and ends up cheering on Ash and Pikachu. Commercial break means running upstairs to get dressed and brush teeth, then they get to watch the rest until its time to leave at 8:30.

Sounds pretty sane, right? I’m sure the kids see it that way too. What you’re not seeing is me in the background cracking the whip every five minutes to make sure that people actually get out the door when they are supposed. to. It’s exhausting.

*SNAP* Out of bed, you guys

*SNAP* What do you want for breakfast? Hello? Are you guys listening? You need to get eating? Helloooo?

*SNAP* Are you done eating? I’m not making any hot chocolate until you’re all done

*SNAP* Go get dressed. Go get dressed. Go get dressed. Go get dressed.

*SNAP* Did you brush your teeth? No? Go brush your teeth

*SNAP* Get your shoes on. Get your shoes on. Get your shoes on. Don’t you have gym today? Take off those Crocs

*SNAP* Stop fighting with your brother/put down the toy/turn off the tv/leave the cat alone and get your jacket.

If I’m lucky they get out the door at 8:30. They’re kids after all, and they’re used to being bossed around to a certain extent. I still have to physically present Monkey with his shoes and jacket sometimes so that he will pay attention and get ready. Today, I had to go searching for his tie because he decided to wear his ‘dress up shirt.’

You know where the wrench in the morning is? Their dad. Seriously. Did you hear me mention him during this morning routine after he got in the shower? Nope. Know why? Because he usually doesn’t mosey downstairs until about 5 after 8, makes himself breakfast, brushes his teeth and then reinforces my whip cracking for the last 10 minutes of the morning.

Not a bedtime activity

Now, I’m not telling you this to make Muppet sound bad. He’s a great dad and partner and has so many wonderful qualities. He just totally sucks at time management. I put a clock in the bathroom so that he will have an idea of where we are in the morning routine at all times. He was replacing the bell on his bike at 8:35am this morning when he had all weekend to do it. He told the kids they could construct a gazillion piece Lego set together at 7:30 last night, 15 minutes before bathtime (and he had to deal with Monkey’s screeching tantrum when he was told that there wasn’t enough time for Lego construction that night.) He will decide he needs groceries to cook dinner for us at 5pm. He is as much a part of my whip cracking routine as the boys are. It’s frustrating. Is this a guy thing? I hate to generalize like that. Is it genetic? Did the boys inherit it? Oh crap, I’m doomed.


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